The Fop Sings! And It's About Jersey Shore!

Not since Bobby "Boris" Pickett's Monster Mash has a novelty song been this... sweet. It seems artist (and noted archaeologist) Owen Schumacher—who for the purpose of this article is writing in the third person—has recouped what would have been a lost weekend by elatedly recording his loving ode to all things GTL—namely, the epic single, Never Fall in Love at the Jersey Shore. [Preview and purchase your copy today at iTunes, CD Baby or Amazon.]

Here's what a few non-existent critics are saying about Owen's glitteringly sleazy single (for the ages)...

"I just put it on loop and think of the Situation for hours on end."
— Ed Siles, PixelDrone
"...A lazy Lou Reed-style yarn as sung by Dr, Frankfurter of Rocky Horror—and it's about Jersey Shore!"
— Paul Dino, ScatGun
"...Like scungilli marinara on Garbo's lips."
— Wingo Stallworth-Edder, NonPluss'd

Even long-time Jersey Shore fanatics Greg Gutfeld and the cast of Red Eye're psyched to the point of transvestism! So it's not just Owen on Hollywood and Vine!

What're you waiting for—a better Jersey Shore-themed novelty single?!

Oh, really? Oh—nevermind, then. You'll just be waiting a long time.

Straight From the Gut

OK! This is a big'n, folks: I've now officially enshrined my favorite tele-demigods, the hearty-laughing man-children at Red Eye w/ Greg Gutfeld! If you haven't already seen this late-night program, lemme just say this: If the Daily Show w/ John Stewart were a latté-sipping Mac worshiper in skinny jeans (and it kinda is), Red Eye'd be the drunken frat guy who pwns him in the Starbucks parking lot.

Anyway, it was fun: I've carefully and lovingly captured the long-suffering persnicketude of Andy, the brass pansexuality of Bill—and, of course—the unicorn-empowered heroism of Greg. It was the least I could do considering all the laughs they've given me so far. (Pinch forever!)

To both the crew of Red Eye and viewers at large, enjoy.